FAQ’s About Couples Intensive Therapy Retreats in Silicon Valley (Palo Alto) and Silicon Beach (Marina del Rey) CA

Who knew when you started googling “Find a therapist near me”, that you would find so many options, and be left with SO many questions? I am here to help!

Are we a good fit for a couples retreat?

When you reach out to me via email or phone we will set up a time for a complimentary video consultation, where we will meet for about 45 minutes to talk about what you are looking for and how I can help. It’s a great time for me to answer all your questions, and also for me to assess if you are ready for a couples retreat or if it would be a good idea for you to do something else first, like individual therapy or other programs to address a specific issue like substance abuse.

If we decide to do the Couples Intensive Therapy Retreat, what’s next?

If you decide to do the Couples Intensive Therapy Retreat, we will decide on a time and place (see the question below about location) and then I will send you some questionnaires about your background, your history as a couple, and your goals for your relationship. My couples love filling these out because it gets them thinking about these things and “primes the engine” for our retreat. I will also send you some information about how to have a more effective experience in your retreat, so that you can have the best experience possible.

Where do you hold your Couples Intensive Therapy Retreats?

I have offices in both Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay area. My office in Los Angeles is in Marina del Rey, about 5 blocks from the beach, and just a few blocks from the famous Abbott Kinney Blvd with all of its restaurants and shops, so you will have plenty of places to choose from for lunch. My office in Palo Alto is close to all the shops and restaurants on University Avenue, and just a short drive from the Stanford Shopping Center.

I often suggest that couples pick the office that is out of their area, and stay at a local AirBnB or hotel, so they can have a bit of a getaway and focus solely on the relationship that weekend without the demands of home when the day is over. I can recommend places to stay in Marina del Rey or Palo Alto, or in Santa Cruz if you prefer the beach vibe during your stay in Northern California.

What happens during the weekend? How do you structure your intensive couples therapy retreats? 

We will start our session at 9am on both Saturday and Sunday, and end between 4:30 and 5pm each day. You will each get a binder with all kinds of information that we will refer to during your retreat, and that you can take home to remind you of all we did over the weekend. The first day we talk about neuroscience, so that you can understand more about why you feel about things the way you do (and why your partner responds the way they do!), and then we will learn tools for emotional regulation so that you will be able to have calm discussions about difficult topics. Then you will learn a structured way of communicating that has been tested for over 30 years and been shown to be effective and rewarding. The second day you will practice and practice this way of communicating, and also learn other skills to improve your relationship. At the end of the weekend we will review what you have learned, and decide how we want to follow up after the weekend is over.

What happens after the weekend is over? 

At the end of your weekend we will either decide how we want to move forward, or we will set a time to touch base and decide in a week or two after you have had some time to practice your new skills at home on your own. Many couples find that they would like to have a 75-minute couples session (these are on video) after about a month to check in and make sure they are on track. Some couples want to start right away with sessions every other week just to have some extra support. How we proceed after the retreat is totally up to you!

What kinds of things bring people to couples intensive therapy retreats?

Most couples are looking for ways to communicate better. Either their relationship has become icy and uncommunicative, or their discussions can quickly become heated and they are looking for help. Sometimes couples just feel like something is missing— they used to have so much passion, but now they are just roommates. Couples can also come referred by other therapists who have been seeing them weekly, and feel they could use an intensive retreat to jumpstart their progress.

Some couples call after a betrayal, or because they are trying to make an important decision like where to move, whether to have kids, or even whether or not to stay together. Couples who have children already sometimes come when they are contemplating splitting up because they would like to be able to communicate effectively whether or not they stay together as a couple.

Do you also do weekly or bi-weekly couples therapy?

I have been doing weekly and bi-weekly couples therapy for years. I find that starting with an intensive therapy retreat makes everything so much easier for my couples, because they have already practiced their new skills and they are able to start using them right away. That being said, not everyone is able to do a weekend retreat, so we will discuss your specific needs in our consultation. Many couples find that arranging to both be available for weekly therapy is very difficult, and they are happy to be able to make so much progress in one fell swoop!

Do you also do individual therapy?

I have been doing individual therapy for years, but if I see you as a couple, I will refer you to one of my wonderful colleagues for individual therapy. I have a large network of excellent therapists and I will help you find one that is a good fit. If you and your partner sign a release of information, I can collaborate with your individual therapists and that’s a real win-win for both of you.

Do you have any specialized training in couples therapy?

I have one entire year of specialized training with the Couples Institute of Menlo Park. I have also taken special training in leading an intensive therapy retreat. In addition to couples training I have specific training in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), anxiety therapy, and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), a technique used to process traumatic memories.